7/16/12- 6 Days Before Gone

I'm leaving you for a week to go to a camp. I get away from my family for a week! YES! Soooo happy its not even funny. But I guess thats how life goes, once you are at your breaking point of something, you get a break. Yesssss. I can't waitt!

7/15 - Hour after Family Bar-be-que (they need to back off!)

My family doesn't know boundaries. But I guess no one does these days. All I know is that I have to learn to speak my mind. I am there "good little angel". But in reference to Kelly Clarkson's song 'Dark Side', "Everybody's got a dark side; do you love me; can you love mine?" I guess they don't love mine, because whenever I show it, I pay, big time.
But I feel as if know one knows me yet. I am a physically and mentally fragile girl who hasn't learned her place in this world yet. Outcast, or Popular?
I fit more into Outcast, but unlike any other high self-esteemed teen, I actually want to be Popular. Always have. But I guess the saying 'Patience is a virtue.' is true.
No one really knows me. They don't understand the physical pain I have been in for the past 4 days, and they don't take under consideration the continuous dream I keep having. There is an eerie underlining meaning to it that has to be true, because the voices I hear during it are oddly familiar, but in a distant memory or past life. I just feel there is something special about me that will show soon. But for now, I'm just 'lil angel Maddie. In almost unbearable pain, but know one cares, I guess that's karma. I just want their help. Is it too much to ask?
...
I guess so...

7/14/12- Story Time

I always think. "Why do I let my family push me around?" and I always come up with the same answer. "Because I'm the youngest."
Yep, that's me. The girl that does almost everything she is asked to do, but still make excuses and argues to the point that my mom will tell me to shut up.
Well, I guess that all really started after I got my heart ripped out. Yes, I may be young, but I still was in love. It happens. But I guess that my ex will always be known as "the guy who turned me into a bitch." I don't mind, even when rumors spread and they all call me a bitch, that I am full of bullshit, and whatever else that my best friend doesn't even want me to know. I guess I just have to go with the flow and not care. I have been since before I can remember. But I don't mind. I try not to let it effect me mentally. They can think what they want. I don't care.
I guess you guys actually want to here my WHOLE story. WELLL.....

I grew up in a house where everyone is INSANE. I mean off their rockers. Coo-coo. Jumped off the sane-train. I'm the only "normal" person in my family. (Well, compared to my family.) Lets just say they all have done some very bad things and are just NOW paying for it. But they all believe that I will be the "Good kid", the one who will never do ANYTHING bad. Sure, I go to a Christian Camp but it doesn't mean I'm bad? Are you KIDDING ME? If I had a dollar for every time I lied to my mom and got away with it, I'd be a billionaire!

I'm not popular. Never have been, and if my plan goes right, I will be at the top next year. I have always wanted to fit in with the popular crowd, but I guess they are to busy for a bitchy, bullshit filled, tomboy like myself. Well, The bitchy and bullshit part is only real because I don't want anyone to know the real me. The one with a messed up family (yes, I know, almost everyone has one, but I still hate my family). But the tomboy part is because I have hung out with the guys for as long as I can remember. They are more fun than girls. I guess I'm still called a tomboy because I don't know how to act with girls. (Yet. That is another thing I have to fix.)